You're probably familiar with the five love languages--quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts and physical touch. Did you know quality time has many dialects? One of the most common dialects is that of quality conversation. By quality conversation, I mean sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context.
Have you ever wondered if you're a good listener? How can you improve in this area? Here are eight steps to becoming a sympathetic listener.
1. Maintain eye contact when you are listening to someone. This keeps your mind from wandering and communicates that the person has your full attention. Refrain from rolling your eyes in disgust, closing your eyes when they give you a low blow, looking over their head, or staring at their shoes while they are talking.
2. Don't engage in other activities while you are listening to another individual. Remember, quality time is giving someone your undivided attention.
3. Listen for feelings. Ask yourself: "What are this person's emotions right now?" When you think you have the answer, confirm it. For example, "It sounds like you are feeling disappointed because I forgot..." That gives the person a chance to clarify his/her feelings. It also communicates that you are listening intently to what they are saying.
4. Observe body language. Clenched fists, trembling hands, tears, furrowed brows, and eye movement may give you clues as to what the person is feeling. Sometimes body language speaks one message while words speak another. Ask for clarification to make sure you know what the person is really thinking and feeling.
5. Refuse to interrupt.
6. Ask reflective questions.
7. Express understanding. The person needs to know that he/she has been heard and understood.
8. Ask if there is anything you might do that would be helpful. Notice, you are asking, not telling the person what she ought to do. Never give advice until you are sure the other person wants it.
What's your love language? Take the 30-second quiz.
Adapted from The Five Love Languages Singles Edition by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Dr. Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Acts 2:44
NIV
All the believers were together and had everything in common.
KJV
And all that believed were together, and had all things common;
In another part of Scripture Jesus was referenced as saying, "It is more blessed to give than to receive". This statement became alive in the early church. It implies that they were a community who knew each other enough to discern the true needs of people.
Charity was directly connected to community. It is easier to give to anonymous people than to take the time to get to know our neighbor. The act of giving in community requires discernment, humility, and trust in God and those involved. This is the heritage that God created for us to learn from and practice.
Today's Commentary by:
David Whitehead, Pastor, Grace NYC
All the believers were together and had everything in common.
KJV
And all that believed were together, and had all things common;
In another part of Scripture Jesus was referenced as saying, "It is more blessed to give than to receive". This statement became alive in the early church. It implies that they were a community who knew each other enough to discern the true needs of people.
Charity was directly connected to community. It is easier to give to anonymous people than to take the time to get to know our neighbor. The act of giving in community requires discernment, humility, and trust in God and those involved. This is the heritage that God created for us to learn from and practice.
Today's Commentary by:
David Whitehead, Pastor, Grace NYC
Friday, June 26, 2009
Acts 2:42
NIV
They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.
KJV
And they continued steadfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers.
When the Spirit was poured out at Pentecost one of the effects was that the early Christians devoted themselves to the teaching of the Scripture.
There is a difference between devotion and learning. The early believers laid their views on the altar of God's Word. They allowed it to shape them.
How do you view the Scripture? Are you willing to devote yourself to it? To simply learn is not enough.
Today's Commentary by:
David Whitehead, Pastor, Grace NYC
They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.
KJV
And they continued steadfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers.
When the Spirit was poured out at Pentecost one of the effects was that the early Christians devoted themselves to the teaching of the Scripture.
There is a difference between devotion and learning. The early believers laid their views on the altar of God's Word. They allowed it to shape them.
How do you view the Scripture? Are you willing to devote yourself to it? To simply learn is not enough.
Today's Commentary by:
David Whitehead, Pastor, Grace NYC
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Ephesians 2:10
NIV
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
KJV
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.
Tangle Video - "God's Chisel"
When God chisels the dead weight out of our lives it can be very painful. In one of their most requested skits, Tommy and Eddie give a very creative look at a typical believer having to go through the process of discipline.
"God's Chisel" by the Skit Guys:
.
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
KJV
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.
Tangle Video - "God's Chisel"
When God chisels the dead weight out of our lives it can be very painful. In one of their most requested skits, Tommy and Eddie give a very creative look at a typical believer having to go through the process of discipline.
"God's Chisel" by the Skit Guys:
.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Matthew 5:16
NIV
In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.
KJV
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
There are so many awesome ways to learn about God and make our light shine; through prayer, church, the Bible, friends, the Holy Spirit and the list goes on.
He did not intend that we store up the light of His teachings for ourselves, but that we share it with others! We should let our lights shine brightly, so that when people see our good works, they will glorify our Father in heaven.
In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.
KJV
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
There are so many awesome ways to learn about God and make our light shine; through prayer, church, the Bible, friends, the Holy Spirit and the list goes on.
He did not intend that we store up the light of His teachings for ourselves, but that we share it with others! We should let our lights shine brightly, so that when people see our good works, they will glorify our Father in heaven.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Psalm 127:3
NIV
Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.
KJV
Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
Father's Day! It's a wonderful time to celebrate our Fathers. The Hebrews held sacred that all children were a blessing from the Lord, bringing joy to their parents.
You are a gift from the Almighty to your earthly father. And your own children are special gifts from God, a blessing and a responsibility.
Think of the joy, laughter and smiles you get from your own children. Your Heavenly Father sees you in the same way; your very existence brings Him joy. You make Him smile and laugh.
Today, as you celebrate with your families, praise your heavenly Father. And to those with children, may God show you His love through your kids today, you deserve it.
.
Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.
KJV
Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
Father's Day! It's a wonderful time to celebrate our Fathers. The Hebrews held sacred that all children were a blessing from the Lord, bringing joy to their parents.
You are a gift from the Almighty to your earthly father. And your own children are special gifts from God, a blessing and a responsibility.
Think of the joy, laughter and smiles you get from your own children. Your Heavenly Father sees you in the same way; your very existence brings Him joy. You make Him smile and laugh.
Today, as you celebrate with your families, praise your heavenly Father. And to those with children, may God show you His love through your kids today, you deserve it.
.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Proverbs 29:7
NIV
The righteous care about justice for the poor, but the wicked have no such concern.
KJV
The righteous considereth the cause of the poor: but the wicked regardeth not to know it.
A person's relationship with God is reflected in his or her attitude toward the needy.
People seeking to follow the Lord want to see justice rather than oppression extended to the helpless and poor.
What can you do for the poor and needy today?
The righteous care about justice for the poor, but the wicked have no such concern.
KJV
The righteous considereth the cause of the poor: but the wicked regardeth not to know it.
A person's relationship with God is reflected in his or her attitude toward the needy.
People seeking to follow the Lord want to see justice rather than oppression extended to the helpless and poor.
What can you do for the poor and needy today?
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