Talk It Out Before You Say, "I Do"

By Julie Ferwerda

CBN.com – You’re thinking about spending the rest of your life with that special person. But do you really know them as well as you think? Are there areas you need to know about (or they need to know about you) that you haven’t discussed? The best time to get down to the nitty-gritty with each other is before you say, “I do.”

You need to know what to expect after the wedding day, and to decide if you really want to spend the rest of your life with this person the way they are now. Chances are they (and you) won’t change that much, so if you really want to know who you are agreeing to love, work through these questions together. There’s no hurry—take all the time you need. But there’s one rule. You must be completely, gut-wrenchingly honest! If you misrepresent yourself…they will remember.

PURPOSE
My biggest goal in life is to…
I find satisfaction in…
Before I die I want to…
I am here because…
My dream is to someday…
I will be ready to die when I’ve…
PAST
The best part about my childhood was…
The worst part about my childhood was…
The scariest thing that ever happened to me was…
Something I’m afraid to tell anyone about my past is…
A past situation that could affect my future is…
I’ve had [ ] sexual partners before this relationship.
The way I feel about my past relationship history is…

WHO I AM
My biggest fears in life are…
My biggest needs in life are…
My most frequent mood is…
The thing I hate most is…
The thing I worry about most is…
Three things I want to change about myself are…
Three things I really like about myself are…
My most common daydream is…
I get angry when…
My favorite kind of house pet is…
My overall opinion about myself is…
I think my greatest personality asset is…
My greatest personality weakness is…
I find the greatest enjoyment in…
The sin I struggle most with is…
I’m most ashamed about…
Someone I greatly admire is…
The way I feel about death is…
I think war is…
I feel happy when…
I have no use for people who…
When someone acts rude to me, I…
When someone is unfair, I…
I feel jealous of…
My dream vacation would include…
The things I find the most fun are…
My favorite sport(s) is…
Playing sports in my future is a [ ] on a scale from one to ten.
Watching sports on T.V. is a [ ] for me on a scale from one to ten.
I am disgusted by…
When I am afraid (substitute sad, angry, happy, lonely, tired), I…
My hobbies include…
I spend [ ] hours a week at my hobbies.
What I really want when I am sick is…
The part of my body I am most bothered by is…
The part of my body I am most happy with is…
What hurts me most is…
The best (and worst) thing about life is…
The first thing I notice about someone is…
When someone is angry with me, I…
When someone is disappointed in me, I…
The worst (and best) thing about the opposite sex is…
Being teachable means…
People (including me) should say they’re sorry when…

MARRIAGE
My reasons for wanting to get married are…
I think the keys to a good marriage are…
The biggest mistakes I made in past relationships are…
The area I’ve grown the most in relationships is…
Relationships in the past have taught me…
I’ve always viewed marriage as…
My parents had a [ ] marriage.
I learned [ ] about marriage from my parents.
I think the things in marriage you should be honest about are…
The areas I’m concerned about being married are…
The areas I’m excited about being married are…
Marriage for me will be giving up…
Marriage for me will be gaining…
I think separate vacations are…
Traveling together is…
When having conflict, I like to: cool off by myself before discussing the problem; discuss and work the problem out right away; pretend there is no problem and just move on; analyze the problem as to what it is, why it happened, how to avoid it in the future, etc…
Arguing and or fighting is…
The best way to handle disagreements is to…
What I fear most about marriage is…
What I anticipate most about marriage is…
The role of in-laws in marriage is…
The thing that will make me most secure (and insecure) in marriage is…
Dating (each other) after you are married is…
Love is…
“Till death do us part” means…
I think people should be allowed to divorce when…
For me, divorce is…

SEX
I think sex is/will be…
I think a healthy marriage involves sex [ ] per week or [ ] per month.
I’m aware that real sex in marriage differs from Hollywood in the following ways…
I think being naked in front of someone is…
On a scale from one to ten, sex is a [ ] in importance in a good marriage for me.
What sex means to me is…
Talking about sex feels…
Being spontaneous or creative in marriage sex sounds…

MONEY/FINANCES
I think money is…
Spending money is hard/easy for me because…
The biggest waste of money is…
The best investment of money is…
I have [ ] in personal debt.
I use credit cards for…
I think car loans are…
Saving up to buy big ticket items is…
My savings plan is…
My retirement plan is…
The way I feel about tithing is…
I hope my spouse is a: saver, spender, somewhere in between.
On a scale from one to ten, financial security is [ ] in importance to me.
I want to save up to buy a…
The kind of house I want to own someday is…
Other items I hope to own are…
Charities I want to contribute to are…

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE
Is my own appearance important to me?
Is it important that my spouse maintains his/her current physical appearance/weight throughout our marriage?
How important is hygiene to me, i.e. brushing teeth, taking showers, deodorant, etc.?
How do I like to dress for special occasions? For church? For dates? For work?
Do I want to be able to have a say in my spouse’s choice of clothing, hairstyle, or general appearance?
Do I care if they have a say in mine?
Is cologne/perfume important to me?
What physical features are attractive to me?

HOUSEHOLD
How clean is a home that is comfortable for me?
What is my favorite thing about home?
What can I not tolerate in my home (noise, clutter, dirt, pets, unmade beds, etc.)?
How many/which jobs do I think I should do to keep my house maintained?
How many/which jobs do I think my spouse should do around the house?
Who should keep the yard maintained (spouse, both, or hired out)?
Who will maintain the cars (spouse, both, or hired out)?
Who will make decisions for and carry out decorating the home (spouse, both, hired out)?
Who will cook family meals?
How many meals do I expect to cook or for my spouse to cook daily?
Who will do the shopping?
Who will do laundry?
Who will do the dishes?
Who will pay bills?

RECREATION
My idea of recreation is…
To me, camping means…
My favorite sports are…
The way I relax on the weekends is by…
What areas of recreation do I want my spouse to accompany me on?
What areas of recreation do I want to do with my friends or alone?
How often will I want to spend time away from the family in my own recreation?

KIDS
I think kids are…
Kids get on my nerves when they…
I love it when kids…
The way I feel about other people’s kids is…
The way kids usually feel about me is…
Kids should be disciplined when…
The way I want to discipline my kids is…
The role of a parent is…
I want [ ] kids someday.
How important is showing physical affection to my kids?
Is telling my kids I love them important?
How much time do I think I should spend with my kids daily?
How important is two-parent interaction and discipline?
I think the bottom line for discipline should be with the (mom or dad)?
How important is it for kids to respect their parents in my home?
When it comes to discipline, I think I will be: lenient, strict, or somewhere in-between?
Where do I want my kids educated (private school, Christian school, home school, etc.)?

HEALTH/HISTORY
Taking care of myself and my health is [ ] important to me.
I think a healthy lifestyle includes…
Physical exercise is…
To me, eating right means…
My idea of a good work out is…
My life fitness plan is to…
My health problems (present or past) are…
I take medication for…
I think life long-term supports are…
People in my family have a history of the following health problems…
People in my family have died at the ages of…

INTIMACY
I feel loved when…
The way I show love to people is…
Which of the following are ways I feel most loved? Time spent with, words of encouragement/praise, gifts, being touched and hugged in a non-sexual manner, when people do things for (serve) me.
Showing affection in front of kids or friends is…
Intimacy is developed through…
I think a good marriage needs at least [ ] hours a day (or week) of focused communication to stay connected.

WORK
My idea of a dream job is…
I think the average number of hours a person can regularly work a week and maintain family commitment is…
Providing for the family is whose responsibility?
My career plans are…
How important is a steady job to me?
What kind of work ethic do I want in my mate?
Where do I draw the line with a job that demands too much time?
My plans for retirement are…

SPIRITUALITY/RELIGION
The way I feel about God is…
I think the way God feels about me is…
On a scale of one to ten, going to church is [ ] in importance for my life and future.
I want to raise my kids in the [ ] faith.
Will God be the center of my home? Why or why not?
If yes, how will I make Him the center?
Prayer is something I do when…
To me, the Bible is…
Other religions besides Christianity are…
Eternal life is accomplished by…
Select and discuss the following. To me, God is: personal, real, distant, vague, angry, happy, loving, harsh, demanding, gentle, kind, good, make-believe, living, powerful, weak, or other.
The way to have a relationship with God is…
For me, including God in my daily life is…
On a scale from one to ten, obeying God and His word is a [ ] to me.
When I die, I…

Day 32 (Wednesday 8 September) - Waking Up The GIANTS!

One can almost imagine the fear in Satan as he thinks of the Church's unmeasured potentials. "Let the Church sleep! If she wakes up, she will SHAKE the world!" so the saying goes. Is not the Church the sleeping giant of today? There is more evidence of religious sensation before our eyes than evidence of spiritual regeneration and supernatural phenomenon! Not many Christians today can forget the fact that the devil goes about as a roaring lion, but we seem to have lost sight of the fact that the Lion of the tribe of Judah has defeated the "roaring lion" and therefore, every anointed Samson or Gideon or church can have victory over the "lion of hell". Though wicked men are doing wicked things, God's promise to us is that "the people that do know their God shall be strong and do exploits" (Daniel 11:32). (Leonard Ravenhill) 

Reflection: Isa 52:1-12. Seek God to remove every 'cobweb', dust that has dulled your spirit. Shake loose every self denial, delusion and deception. Ask Him to cleanse and awaken your spirit man. 

Prayer Points
 ■ Implore Him to awaken the Body of Christ to her true spiritual state with deep conviction and repentance to come forth. Renounce and repent of our complacency, self sufficiency, self indulgence, compromise, carnality, etc.

■ Restoring passion and hunger to spend time with Him and His Word in the Body of Christ. Believers to be enlightened to His hope and calling to be His salt and light.

■ Prayer Cells springing forth in all realms of influence, reaching out and establishing strong discipleship in schools, colleges, housing estates, marketplace, etc.

■ Decree an open highway and ask God to raise up His standard over our Church and nation to thwart the plans of the evil one so that His GIANTS will ARISE and SHINE in the days of His power! Declare our GOD REIGNS over Malaysia

What do You Say to This?

Church plans Quran-burning event
July 30, 2010 | By Lauren Russell, CNN

In protest of what it calls a religion "of the devil," a nondenominational church in Gainesville, Florida, plans to host an "International Burn a Quran Day" on the ninth anniversary of the September 11, 2001, attacks.

The Dove World Outreach Center says it is hosting the event to remember 9/11 victims and take a stand against Islam. With promotions on its website and Facebook page, it invites Christians to burn the Muslim holy book at the church from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m.


"We believe that Islam is of the devil, that it's causing billions of people to go to hell, it is a deceptive religion, it is a violent religion and that is proven many, many times," Pastor Terry Jones told CNN's Rick Sanchez earlier this week.

Jones wrote a book titled "Islam is of the Devil," and the church sells coffee mugs and shirts featuring the phrase.

Muslims and many other Christians -- including some evangelicals -- are fighting the initiative.

The church launched a YouTube channel to disseminate its messages.

"I mean ask yourself, have you ever really seen a really happy Muslim? As they're on the way to Mecca? As they gather together in the mosque on the floor? Does it look like a real religion of joy?" Jones asks in one of his YouTube posts.

"No, to me it looks like a religion of the devil."

The Islamic advocacy group Council on American-Islamic Relations called on Muslims and others to host "Share the Quran" dinners to educate the public during the monthlong fast of Ramadan beginning in August. In a news release, the group announced a campaign to give out 100,000 copies of the Quran to local, state and national leaders.

"American Muslims and other people of conscience should support positive educational efforts to prevent the spread of Islamophobia," said CAIR spokesman Ibrahim Hooper in the release.

The National Association of Evangelicals, the nation's largest umbrella evangelical group, issued a statement urging the church to cancel the event, warning it could cause worldwide tension between the two religions.

"The NAE calls on its members to cultivate relationships of trust and respect with our neighbors of other faiths. God created human beings in his image, and therefore all should be treated with dignity and respect," it said in the statement.

Dove's Facebook page, set up for the September event, has more than 1,600 fans.

"Eternal fire is the only destination the Quran can lead people to, so we want to put the Quran in it's [sic] place -- the fire!" the page says.

Day 31 (Tuesday 7 September) - 4/14 Window

There's an urgent global appeal to consider the strategic importance and potential of the 1.2 billion children and youths in the 4/14 Window (children aged from 4 years to 14 years). As a national church, we need to open our hearts and minds to the idea of reaching and raising up a new generation from within this vast group - a generation that can experience personal transformation and can be mobilised as agents for transformation throughout the world. The vision and hope is to maximise their transformational impact while they are young, and to mobilise them for continuous impact for the rest of their lives. It is imperative that we see children and young people as a crucial, strategic force, capable of transforming the nation and the world. May our hearts be opened to embrace this 4/14 Window and release this generation into the full potential God has for them. (Luis Bush) 

Reflection: Lam 2:19, Matt 18:14. Urgently ask the Lord to move our hearts to see this generation through His eyes and pray for them. Ask the Lord how else you can avail yourself to build this group? 

Prayer Points
■ Ask God to release a revelation of His heart upon His church, to shake us, break us, and change us with what He sees, feels and hears in regards to children.

■ Raising workers, Sunday School teachers who understand the needs, nature and potential of this emerging generation to disciple and equip them to transform their schools, community and nation.

■ Thank the Lord for the national children prayer movement. Pray that in each local church, God will raise up prayer leaders who are equipped to teach and empower children and youths to pray.

■ God to protect and preserve this generation and their destiny, to mould them to be His prophetic generation with radical commitment and excellence in character to be His future leaders to shape the destiny of nations

Day 30 (Monday 6 September) - Unity and Diversity

They would meet for Bible study once a week, studying the Word of God and singing hymns, united through the Holy Spirit in one faith and under one Lord. When they came across difficult passages in their studies that divide their respective denominations, they would maintain love, patience and care for one another. Yet come Sunday, their differences will be marked in their Catholic, charismatic, Brethren, Anglican, Methodist churches. Some raise hands and speak in tongues, while others sing hymns and ladies cover their heads in reverence. Nevertheless these brothers and sisters believe that "There is one body and one Spirit – just as you were called – one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all." (Eph 4:5). Seeking unity in the things that unite them, they concentrate on the Word, prayer and in evangelism, the transformation of the nation believing in the promise that one day "the Lord will be king over the whole earth. On that day there will be one Lord, and his name the only name." Zech 14 : 9

Reflection: Eph 4:3-5, Ps 133. Thank the Lord for the unique calling and strength in all denominations. How awesome when different parts of the body with all generations come together in unity! The enemy shudders! 

Prayer Points
■ Ask the Lord to forgive us of our pride and arrogance; to seek to celebrate each other's giftings and doctrinal distinctives.

■ Churches will promote activities, conferences that will unite the various denominations in prayer, worship, the Word, evangelism among all the generations, young and old. A spirit of unity and cooperation in sharing and releasing resources with common vision towards transformation of society, community and nation.

■ One united VOICE, with clear purpose to face the authorities on issues that are affecting the Body of Christ.

■ Bless all denomination heads and pray for one united prayer movement to come forth

Day 29 (Sunday 5 September) - Youths in Sabah & Sarawak

The authorities have made great concerted effort to actively target the younger generation in Islamising the native people, the 'Bumiputeras' of East Malaysia. The Islamic religious authorities have focused their activities on longhouses by for example, setting up hostels or "asrama" where the warden and staff are Muslims who deliberately influence the students living there towards Islamic values and way of life.

This has caused deep concern as the majority of the Christian population in Malaysia are from Sabah and Sarawak. The urgency is to bring awareness of the strategies used against our younger generation and to educate our youths on the basic foundation of their faith so that they are steadfast and always abounding in the ways of the Lord. 

Reflection: Col 2:6-12. To 'continue to live in Him' – what does this mean to you? Is this the reality in your walk with the Lord? 

Prayer Points

■ Thank the Lord for preserving Sabah and Sarawak. Continue to ask the Lord to protect our youths in these states from all schemes to influence and indoctrinate them with wrong values.

■ Indigenous pastors and leaders in the rural areas to be empowered, awakened and alerted on the schemes of the enemy. They will be vigilant to warn, disciple and strengthen the youths. For strong discipleship and mentoring in the interior churches.

■ Releasing of finances and resources to establish Bible schools, training centres, Christian schools and kindergartens so that the younger generation's faith will be preserved and strengthened.

■ Raising up more pastors and leaders to empower churches in the interior. More youths will heed the call of God to be church planters; evangelists, pastors and teachers.

■ Greater partnership and united effort between the Peninsular and East Malaysian churches to formulate mission strategies that will reach the lost

Day 28 (Saturday 4 September) - Patriotic Generation!

Each year, many youths attend the National Service Training programme in selected locations all over the county. Among the stated objectives for the programme are:

* Developing the younger generation who are patriotic and with love and devotion for their country;
* Enhancing unity among the multi-racial communities in the country by instilling a spirit of caring and volunteerism among society; and
* Developing a positive characteristic among the younger generation through good values.

One of the ways to achieve these objectives is through 'Kelas Kerohanian' (religious classes conducted by volunteer teachers). Classes are held on Thursday and/or Friday nights from 8.00 to 10.30. More than 120,000 youths are trained each year. Currently, over 40 out of 82 campsites have Christian trainers going in regularly to conduct Bible studies. This therefore provides Christians with great opportunities to make a positive impact on the lives of our youths and to foster a right spirit and attitude for nation building. 

Reflection: Psalm 18:30-40. Pray that God's agenda for our next generation and the good objectives of the NS will be achieved. Not only raising physical army but also a spiritual army. 

Prayer Points

■ For excellent, efficient, creative, qualified, and disciplined officers, trainers, counsellors and jungle guides. Protection as they travel to remote campsites.

■ For good maintenance of facilities and equipment; security and cleanliness in living conditions and protection on trainees' health.

■ For enough committed Christian teachers to be trained and sent to ALL 82 camps in 2010. Churches to adopt and pray for the camps and the yearly three batches of trainees in their localities in 2010.

■ For spiritual awakening in all camps and Christian youths to be His light and salt to encourage and stand with those trainees in their times of need. Maturing of our next generation for the Kingdom of God

Day 27 (Friday 3 September) - Substance Abuse

Alex had always been ambitious and wanted to study in the US but all came unstuck when he failed in his exams and his girlfriend broke off their relationship. Life crumbled into complete darkness. Unable to cope he began to hang out in pubs and soon got involved with the wrong kind of "friends". Soon, he was drawn into their 'club drugs'. This is just one case of thousands of young people who have been targeted and lured into drugs. Some just want to 'try out' out of curiosity; some want to escape reality while others join the crowd because of peer pressure. Many came from dysfunctional homes, and broken relationships. Today there are 1.2 million drug addicts and many have failed in their attempt to kick the habit. For those who have been set free, they are finding difficulty in social acceptance. Disillusioned, they soon fall back to old habits. As a church, we have a social responsibility towards these people. Let us cry out to God for mercy to help us accept them.

Reflection: Psalm 107:10-16. Is there any trace of prejudice against this group of drug abusers? Do you regard them as a social menace? Confess and renounce every prejudice, religiosity and hypocrisy. Ask Him to fill us with love and compassion.

Prayer Points
■ Take authority over the spirit of rebellion, hopelessness and drug addiction that seek to destroy our youths. Teachers and law enforcers to be vigilant against syndicates working through schools and colleges to trap and recruit students.
■ The Body of Christ will reach out and be their source of comfort, encouragement, direction to young people who are facing rejection and feeling lonely. Effective youth ministries to reach out in love.
■ Expose drug traffickers in our nation and local processing labs in remote places. Expose and remove all corrupt officials in authority who are protecting these syndicates.
■ Strong support groups to uphold and strengthen those who have been delivered from drugs. They will find love and acceptance and able to integrate back into society successfully.

Day 26 (Thursday 2 September) - Redeeming the Generation

When others sleep, the Mat Rempits begin their day. Mat eagerly looks forward to these daily gatherings. His friends in the gang are his life. With them he feels brave, the drugs make him feel alive, far from the aimlessness at home, loiterings in the shopping malls and being called 'hopeless' and 'useless'. His life is like a motorcycle, always on the move and picking up speed. When in speed, he cannot slow down and think. Whatever the group fancies, he will follow. Some days they prey on young women, even pregnant ones; other times, they smash car windows, steal bags and laptops, destroy property and perform dangerous stunts on their bikes.
These youths and others like them must be reconciled to their parents, authorities and God. Parents, authorities and the government must likewise do the same and find ways not to alienate but to restore them.

Reflection: Malachi 2:1-8. Ask God for forgiveness where as a nation we have failed in our priestly covenant duty according to Mal 2: 5 to bring "life and peace", compassion and "true instruction" to the lost youths.

Prayer Points
■ Ask God to forgive parents who have lost their priestly duty to give "true instruction" to their children who are lost in the cycle of entertainment, leisure, lust of the eyes, casual sex, computer games, late night parties.
■ God's deliverance to come upon the Mat Rempits, bringing radical deliverance and revelational encounters.
■ Pray for creative ways to reach out to them. Church to be relevant in building bridges and help the young generation in their community.
■ Government to have wisdom and compassion to address, engage and educate the youths with love and understanding. To engage them in nation building and community life that transcend culture and race. To initiate community programs that nurture wholeness, love for nation and religion

Day 25 (Wednesday 1 September) - Weak & Helpless

Davin didn't like it when mum's boyfriend stayed in the house. When mum wasn't around, he would become moody and violent. Grabbing Davin's neck, he would stub his cigarette on his arm, legs and private parts laughing as Davin screamed in pain. Davin feared telling his mum as he was threatened with further punishment and beatings. Everyday we hear cases of children sodomised, brutalized, raped in shrubs, under the bridges, ponds, lakes. Those that survive live shattered and broken lives full of fear and hate. In 2007, reports said 8 Malaysians were raped daily, not including the countless unreported cases of children and those living in physical abuse. In most of these cases, the children trusted and knew their attacker who preyed on them because they were weak and helpless.

Reflection: Matt 19:14, Psalm 127:3-4. Seek God's forgiveness for forgetting that children are a gift from Him and they are our pride, joy and reward from Him. Ask Him to forgive us for hindering them from coming to Jesus and help us to treasure, protect, guide, teach and love each and every one of them irrespective of race and religion.

Prayer Points

■ Children's ministries in every church that they be lighthouses to the children in their community and outreach areas. Christian children will be raised up, ground in His Word to reach out and comfort their friends in need.
■ Vigilance and security in schools, kindergartens, tuition centres, shopping malls,.etc. Law enforcers to be watchful and alert to protect children in public places when they are not accompanied by adults.
■ Exposing all child abusers, syndicates or individuals who prey on children with evil intentions. Ask God to heal and deliver children from all afflictions: physical, emotional and spiritual abuses.
■ Church in all states to have concerted and united effort for community/social projects to help, rescue and provide loving care to the helpless and fatherless children