How to Be a Good Listener

You're probably familiar with the five love languages--quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts and physical touch. Did you know quality time has many dialects? One of the most common dialects is that of quality conversation. By quality conversation, I mean sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context.

Have you ever wondered if you're a good listener? How can you improve in this area? Here are eight steps to becoming a sympathetic listener.

1. Maintain eye contact when you are listening to someone. This keeps your mind from wandering and communicates that the person has your full attention. Refrain from rolling your eyes in disgust, closing your eyes when they give you a low blow, looking over their head, or staring at their shoes while they are talking.

2. Don't engage in other activities while you are listening to another individual. Remember, quality time is giving someone your undivided attention.

3. Listen for feelings. Ask yourself: "What are this person's emotions right now?" When you think you have the answer, confirm it. For example, "It sounds like you are feeling disappointed because I forgot..." That gives the person a chance to clarify his/her feelings. It also communicates that you are listening intently to what they are saying.

4. Observe body language. Clenched fists, trembling hands, tears, furrowed brows, and eye movement may give you clues as to what the person is feeling. Sometimes body language speaks one message while words speak another. Ask for clarification to make sure you know what the person is really thinking and feeling.

5. Refuse to interrupt.

6. Ask reflective questions.

7. Express understanding. The person needs to know that he/she has been heard and understood.

8. Ask if there is anything you might do that would be helpful. Notice, you are asking, not telling the person what she ought to do. Never give advice until you are sure the other person wants it.


What's your love language? Take the 30-second quiz.
Adapted from The Five Love Languages Singles Edition by Dr. Gary Chapman. To find out more about Dr. Chapman's resources, visit www.fivelovelanguages.com.

Acts 2:44

NIV
All the believers were together and had everything in common.
KJV
And all that believed were together, and had all things common;

In another part of Scripture Jesus was referenced as saying, "It is more blessed to give than to receive". This statement became alive in the early church. It implies that they were a community who knew each other enough to discern the true needs of people.

Charity was directly connected to community. It is easier to give to anonymous people than to take the time to get to know our neighbor. The act of giving in community requires discernment, humility, and trust in God and those involved. This is the heritage that God created for us to learn from and practice.

Today's Commentary by:
David Whitehead, Pastor, Grace NYC

Acts 2:42

NIV
They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.
KJV
And they continued steadfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers.

When the Spirit was poured out at Pentecost one of the effects was that the early Christians devoted themselves to the teaching of the Scripture.

There is a difference between devotion and learning. The early believers laid their views on the altar of God's Word. They allowed it to shape them.

How do you view the Scripture? Are you willing to devote yourself to it? To simply learn is not enough.

Today's Commentary by:
David Whitehead, Pastor, Grace NYC

Ephesians 2:10

NIV
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
KJV
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

Tangle Video - "God's Chisel"

When God chisels the dead weight out of our lives it can be very painful. In one of their most requested skits, Tommy and Eddie give a very creative look at a typical believer having to go through the process of discipline.

"God's Chisel" by the Skit Guys:
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Matthew 5:16

NIV
In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.
KJV
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

There are so many awesome ways to learn about God and make our light shine; through prayer, church, the Bible, friends, the Holy Spirit and the list goes on.

He did not intend that we store up the light of His teachings for ourselves, but that we share it with others! We should let our lights shine brightly, so that when people see our good works, they will glorify our Father in heaven.

Psalm 127:3

NIV
Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him.
KJV
Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

Father's Day! It's a wonderful time to celebrate our Fathers. The Hebrews held sacred that all children were a blessing from the Lord, bringing joy to their parents.

You are a gift from the Almighty to your earthly father. And your own children are special gifts from God, a blessing and a responsibility.

Think of the joy, laughter and smiles you get from your own children. Your Heavenly Father sees you in the same way; your very existence brings Him joy. You make Him smile and laugh.

Today, as you celebrate with your families, praise your heavenly Father. And to those with children, may God show you His love through your kids today, you deserve it.
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Proverbs 29:7

NIV
The righteous care about justice for the poor, but the wicked have no such concern.
KJV
The righteous considereth the cause of the poor: but the wicked regardeth not to know it.

A person's relationship with God is reflected in his or her attitude toward the needy.

People seeking to follow the Lord want to see justice rather than oppression extended to the helpless and poor.

What can you do for the poor and needy today?

Hebrews 12:1

NIV
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
KJV
Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

The great cloud of witnesses is not referring to actual people who are watching us; but witnesses and examples of those who have testified to the truth of the faith.

The Book of Hebrews was an encouragement to the Hebrews, who had left Judaism to follow Christ. They were facing severe persecution. The writer wants to communicate that their suffering is not unique, but part of the great marathon.

The Christian life is a marathon full of hills, bad weather, green pastures, and sharp turns. In order to keep our endurance strong, we need to strip ourselves on anything that separates from God, especially sin. When we free ourselves of the baggage that entangles us, we can stop tripping over our sin and run freely toward the prize of Heaven.
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Psalm 9:2

NIV I will be glad and rejoice in you;
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.
KJV I will be glad and rejoice in thee: I will sing praise to thy name, O thou most High.

David is praising God with all his heart for deliverance from his enemy, giving Him all the glory. In Psalm 9, David doesn't praise the armor, the weapons, or any other aid in the victory; He solely praises the Almighty God.

In our own lives, when we are blessed in little or big ways, do we praise God with every fiber of our being? David isn't halfhearted with his praise. He is full of gratitude so much that it overflows in this poem of praise.

Think this week how God has blessed or delivered you. Allow that to sink in and overflow with joy to the Lord. It's a wonderful day to reflect on the blessings from our Creator and honor Him with our praise.

Isaiah 26:3

NIV You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.
KJV Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

The mind is hard at work all day long, a powerful organ that keeps your body on the task at hand.

It's easy to allow our minds to focus on worldly activities, places, and people that don't honor God. When we focus on anything that separates us from God and don't trust Him, we can become restless.

Yet when our minds are focused on the Lord and trusting Him with our lives, He keeps us in His peace, His blessed peace.

PURPOSE DRIVEN TALK

You will enjoy the new insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now having cancer and him having 'wealth' from the book sales. This is an absolutely incredible short interview with Rick Warren , 'Purpose Driven Life ' author and pastor of Saddle back Church in California

In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren , Rick said:
People ask me, What is the purpose of life?
And I respond:
In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.

One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me.
I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal.. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.

We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.

Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.

The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.

We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character.

This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay , getting cancer.

I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore.

Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.
No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.
And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for..

You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems.

If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.

We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her- It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.

You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.

Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy.

It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease..

So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence.

• First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit.. We made no major purchases.
• Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.
• Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.
• Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.
  

We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?

Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism?

Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?

When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do.

That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.

Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.

If you do not pass it on, nothing will happen.
But it might be nice to pass it on to a friend....just like I have done.

The 23rd Channel

The 23rd Channel

The TV set is my shepherd. My spiritual growth shall want.

It makes me to sit down and do nothing for His name’s sake, because it requireth all my spare time. It keepeth me from doing my duty as a Christian because it presenteth so many shows that I must see.

It restoreth my knowledge of the things of the world, and keepeth me from the study of God’s Word. It leadeth me in paths of failing to attend the evening services, and doing nothing in the Kingdom of God.

Yea, though I live to be a hundred, I shall keep on viewing my TV as long as it will work, for it is my closest companion. Its sound and its picture, they comfort me.

It presenteth entertainment before me, and keepeth me from doing important things with my family. It fills my head with ideas which differ from those set forth in the Word of God.

Surely, no good thing will come of my life, because my TV offereth no good time to do the will of God thus I will dwell in the place of the Devil and his angels forever.